1:01AM

What do you do when you have those sleepless nights?

What do you do when all you ever think about is truth to be told; your boyfriend and how this relationship is going. I've been having sleepless nights and I swear, I'm a train wreck. I've got ample of time right now that i ponder on things too much that it messes my head up so badly.

What do you do?
What do you do?
What do you do?

Taking a step back to clear off my mind and to see why am i unhappy for the past few days. Have he done something wrong that is making me upset constantly? Has he not been giving me the attention that I deserve more than anything? Has he not made me his priority other than his family?

I don't know. Somehow I feel underserving. I feel like there is something missing and every time I pray for it, I pray hard to know what's the missing piece.

Could it be that I'm just facing some insecurities issues about my self? To be looked upon nonetheless.

I think it started when the best friend came back from States, and all of the sudden -- everything changed. The fact that I don't go along well with the best friend is an issue already -- he makes it worst by going out constantly with her. Now, is that me -- my insecurity talking there? Hold up, no..  me thinks no.

I honestly feel that it's just me feeling that I've a say in this relationship and how some things makes me feel. Then again, whenever I voice out about the best friend feeling that I don't really like how he goes out with her often as I get annoyed by it easily -- he shuts me out. "Why? She's nice."

Yeah, nice to you and not me, love.

Have you ever felt like you've been hated for no reason and by the act of kindness, you've been hated? Yeah, she made me feel that way. If ever I'm going to give my respect to people who don't even deserve it; it's only because it's a reflection of myself. Not to please you.

I'm upset. I hate being upset.

Ever felt so undeserving to the point that all you can do is just ponder about it?

It doesn't make sense. Nothing does. I guess there's so much more for me to experience before going into one.

I don't know where I crossed the line; was it something that I said or was it something that I didn't? Please stop the rain, I can't take it any longer. Life is in fact a crazy thing, we'll have good and bad  or even in between. Heck, nothing is certain in life.

Feeling undeserving definitely is a feeling i'd want to get rid of it.